Let's take a trip, a trip where most people have no interest in going. Inside the head of an anxious person. First it would be good to explain the kind of anxiety I experience.
When I was driving home the other night, after my regularly scheduled workout regimen, I ended up in a place I often do when my mind is not completely consumed wholly by one task. My. Own. Head. I am the kind of person who will worry about everything, and not just worry, but I take everything, and analyze all scenarios, and postulate outcomes for every scenario. I don't limit myself to the negative outcomes, but more often than not they do take over, and creep in, and steal my focus.
For example, I am sure everyone will remember the Ebola pandemic, largely not impactful to those in the Western Hemisphere, but still, a cause of concern. As soon as I heard about the first case in the news - yes the news is terrible for people like me, so I tend to avoid it - my mind immediately conjured up the following scenarios (and yes they are all very unlikely).
1. I met a friend for lunch (true), who had just come back from Africa (true), what if he was somehow carrying it (unlikely, but possible given the second situation),
2. What if I some how catch it from one of the 'possible', or 'confirmed' cases at the local hospital (not likely, but possible, I usually take public transit, and the odds, however small, are still possible)
3. What if I catch it on a plane flight (not likely as I don't fly a lot), flew down to Texas (Dallas Fort-Worth, where there were confirmed cases, transmitted by plane, etc. etc.) around the time that they were in the news, would this cause me to catch it (unlikely, but again possible)
I could go on, and on, and on, and never be done listing all the scenarios, outcomes, and solutions that cross my mind at any given time for this topic, but my worry, and anxiety goes farther. You would think that a person would be good with one situation at a time to worry about, but not the case for me.
Around this time I was dealing with Ebola, I was dealing with job security, I was dealing with myriad things, all day every day. My mind goes from one situation, to the next, to the next, the only time I am free of them is, training, practicing guitar, and sleep.
Another thing you have to understand about the way my mind works, to really understand (if that's even possible at this point), my anxiety, is I love numbers, odds, thinking through situations, solving problems, etc.
I try, and explain myself to people, usually poorly (probably like this post), and very few people seem to really get it. I am usually met with;
1. Just relax,
2. Just don't worry about it,
3. It won't happen,
4. etc.
That advise is well intentioned, but for me, meaningless - not the thought, that pure, "I / we feel for you, and would like you not to worry", but the words, the action. I am simply not able to do those things at will. If I were, I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with.
I guess the whole point of this, is to put into perspective - and maybe have the odd person understand - what it is to be me. If there are others like me out there, I write this to say, "You are not alone." For the others that don't get it, I say "I understand, I don't really either, but I have to live with it." In closing I would say that if you suffer from anxiety, worry, etc. try what you can to get help. If you are trying to help someone, think before you give them some vague platitude (no matter how helpful it sounds).
Thanks.
PS. My thoughts are with all those affected by the terrorist attack in Paris today, all the first responders, and all the victims. Even though, largely removed from your situation, don't worry, I will.
